Dawn's Testimony

June 4, 2006

 Psalm 100:4-6 says, “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His Name.  For the LORD is good and His love endures forever;  His faithfulness continues through all generations.”  I am so thankful to the LORD!  He has shown Himself faithful to me over and over again. 

 In October while at a woman’s retreat the LORD brought to completion an emotional healing He began in me fifteen years ago as a result of physical, emotional and sexual abuse.  I was finally able to give all of the pain over to Him.  Even after being saved for so long I had always felt as if I had an impenetrable iron door over a part of my heart.  I could never totally trust anyone.  That changed in October.  I came home from that retreat changed!  The door is no longer locked over part of my heart.  The freedom of that has affected many areas of my life, especially my marriage, in wonderful ways.

 In recent months the LORD has led me to read journals I began 17 years ago.  Until now I had never looked at the journals.  I had even forgotten about them.  But the LORD had not forgotten!  Like Joshua and the Israelites who built a memorial out of stones from the middle of the Jordan River once they crossed my journals are my stones- my reminders of where the LORD has brought me up and out of.

 As I read these journals which contain page after page of sorrow, pain, anger, hatred and bitterness I am once again falling on my face in awe of the LORD’s marvelous works- works in me!   I am blown away by the absolute change in me and my thinking.  I was out of my mind.  The enemy controlled all of my thoughts.  I heard voices in my head constantly telling me what a worthless person I was and that I deserved to die.  I had an eating disorder and was consumed with thoughts of food and weight.  This is just a few of the examples!  When I read these journals it is as if I am thrown into the mind of someone else.  To go back and know I lived like that for so ling completely blows my mind.

 I am overwhelmed with gratitude to the LORD for my life!  To read those pages and get a glimpse of who I was and who I would have become without Him is frightening.  Truly I can say as David did in Psalm 30 ,”You turned my wailing into dancing, you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give You thanks forever.”   

 I have so many things to be thankful for.  Not only am I a new creation in Christ but the LORD has chosen to bless me with a wonderful Godly husband and four precious children: and He continues to bless me daily!  I am so undeserving of all He has given me and all He has done in me.  I stand in complete amazement that He could take a wretch like me and change everything, and I do mean everything about me.  I am so thankful to the LORD for taking my broken, shattered life and giving me hope and a future, and for bringing peace, joy and love in to my life.

 Psalm 98:1 says, “Sing to the LORD a new song for He has done marvelous things.”  I truly am one of HIS marvelous things!        Dawn B.


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