"but i've lost my faith in god,"
The great news is that you have NOT lost your faith in God, but it has been tested. And it will prove to be very strong when you overcome this testing. Not going by emotions, but by living by the Truth of God’s Word will sure you up, strengthen you, and make you able to “see” God’s hand in your life, heart, and circumstances.
Trusting in what God’s Trustworthy Word more than anyone else’s words will enable you to withstand the Temptation of self-pity, depression, despair, and other sorrows that can linger (or destroy you) without Eternal Truth. When you confess and Repent of these things directly to Jesus, “He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1Jn 1:9 God clarifies, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 2 Cor 7:14 "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." Isaiah 1:18 “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12
The proof of your faith is that you wrote to NeedHope trusting that God can and would supply an answer to you directly from His Word. That God had Not abandoned you and would prove Himself to you directly. Praise be to the Lord God alone!! For He loves you tremendously!! And Jesus feels your pain, too!!!
"people tell me we all must die but she didn't deserve that kind of death,"
It may seem that she did not deserve that kind of death. It is true that all people must die physically, unless they are alive during the rapture. (We who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 )
However, God has His purposes, desires, and reasons. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9 God’s ways are not to torture, but to refine for a greater joy and glory that can only be seen on the other side of life, eternal life. (Silversmith) But “Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.” Lamentations 3:22
We may not see with human eyes the reasons for things. (2 Corinthians 4:18) The pain, suffering, injustice, and more. (God tells some of these details in - The Big Picture, World Violence, Perspective) It is like looking at the underside of a tapestry, with all of the colored chords jumbled and knotted, while God sees the incredibly intricate and elaborately magnificent tapestry on the right side while He is on His Throne in heaven. God is Right, True, and will prove Himself to all who sincerely want to know Him. “For everyone who asks receives.” Luke 11:9-13 As for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. Psalm 18:30 If you trust in Jesus Christ with all of your heart to work out all of the details of your pained heart, God will be your refuge and mighty strength, and the Victor in your life.
By the way, God the Father chose to allow and watch His Son die a miserable death, too. And Jesus the Christ experienced and died a horrific, torturous death. Both God the Father and Son were sinless, perfect, and flawless. Yet both suffered emotionally and the Son suffered excruciatingly physically. If God would not spare His own son, then maybe there is a reason for suffering that we do not know about down here, but we will find out about in heaven.
This calls for trust in the All-knowing, Magnificent God. The blessing is that for those who live in a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ based upon His Work, not our works, and on His salvation, have temporary suffering. James 1:2-8 “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18 Those who reject this relationship with the Savior have permanent suffering in Hell when their body dies. Jesus said, "But I will show you Whom you should fear: Fear Him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into Hell. Yes, I tell you, fear Him." Luke 12:5
Even Jesus’ friends did not want to watch Jesus suffer. And they were confused and weak without Him. They did not understand why their best friend and teacher died, until later. And then not all the way until much later! God gives us understanding as we can accept it, and in His wise timing. (John 13, Luke 24, Acts 2)
"im starting to believe in what the atheist believe we are here to die so make the most out of it."
You may start to think you are thinking like an atheist. Anger causes sin and a breach with the living God. When we block God out, He honors our request and turns away from us. God will still be faithful to His character, but He will always (Isaiah 59:1) want us to turn to Him, repent of our sinfulness, and live with and for Him here in this life and forever. “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9
Atheists ignore the scientific facts of God, the emotional proofs (Ecclesiastes 12) of God in our souls, the reality of God’s Word, and much more. God describes them this way, “For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools” Romans 1:18-32 “The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.” Psalm 14:1
God also says what happens to those who live as if they are God, ignoring Him as the sole authority of Life, and not treating God as God. Sinful Life + God's Laws . Don’t’ be fooled, don’t let your anger take over, but instead learn from the Sovereign God, your Creator, the One Whom your own mother knew to trust. Who Made You? Who Creates? Everlasting Love.
"people tell me my mother is in a better place now with her loved ones and friends, but i think my mother is in one place, the place that we buried her."
You need increased faith. God knows just how to do that, and you need to allow Him to do this for you. NO ONE ends up buried in the ground and stays there. NO one. Not even the bad people! They are either permanently in a lake of fire, or permanently dwelling with God. “If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.” Revelation 20:15 “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:1-4
If your mother was truly God’s Love in your life, then you cannot ignore God. His daughter, your mother, was too great an influence of His unconditional love, acceptance, and duty for His glory alone. If you want and need this in your life, you MUST go to the Source of the Love where your own mother got it, the Lord Jesus Christ. Matthew 12:50, Mark 3:35, John 1:13
If you ignore God in your life, you will suffer irreparable damage UNTIL you stop ignoring Him and relate with Him honestly. You can be angry with God, for God is a humble God. He does not have to prove anything to anyone because everything already belongs to Him. You can yell at Him, but also listen to His response to you in your thoughts, circumstances, and situations. God has tremendous Mercy, Grace, Compassion, and Hope for those who want to know Him and have His help.
Never let go of God, for that would be foolish. But DO grow in your understanding of Who He IS and What He wants, and Why He wants it. Go directly to God. God wrote a Book for You personally!! The Bible. Know in your heart that no one can relate to you and with you as intimately or as beneficially as the One Who Made you for the purpose of loving you and being loved by you.
Here are some additional thoughts -
Lazarus was one of Jesus’ best friends. So were Mary and Martha, Lazarus’ sisters. John 11:1-44 When Jesus was told repeatedly to come to help his dying friend, He did not. Was that because God was bad? No, of course not. This was the reason: “When He heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." Jn 11:4
God’s Word tells us - 17On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.... 21"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask." (Martha trusted Jesus as a man of action.)
23Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again." 24Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day." 25Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" 27"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world." (Jesus reaffirmed to Martha that He was the only way ANY life after the body dies can occur. Martha agrees with Jesus. Do you?)
... 32When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." (Mary is looking at the past, and missing her brother without hope.)
... 35Jesus wept. 36Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" (Jesus feels Mary’s pain, as He feels yours, too!!!)
(Now Jesus takes action.) 38Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39"Take away the stone," he said. "But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." (Jesus does not care about bad odor, just about His Work of New Life to be done!!)
40Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" 41So they took away the stone. (The people acted in faith and trust that Jesus was a man of Good Action.)
Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." 43When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" 44The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."
Jesus also called your mother by name to come out of her dying body and live with Him. What greater proof do you need that the ones who trust Jesus go to be with Jesus where He is?
Purpose - Everyone has a purpose here on earth while they are alive. When God calls them away, then it means that their job on earth is done, finished, and completed. What do you want your mother to do for you? Ask Jesus Christ, who lives now to intercede for you, to get the job done. He may even ask you to do some of it by His Power and Spirit!! “Therefore He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for them.” Hebrews 7:25 (The Holy Spirit in the Believer , Zechariah 4:6)
Everyone has to have their own personal relationship with God. (So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Romans 14:12)
Even our own good works do not qualify us for heaven. (All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; Isaiah 64:6)
Our loving other people does not get us into heaven, either. "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of Me;” Matt 10:26-39
Why is it this way? Because God made each person individually. (Psalm 139)
God gave each talents and abilities to be used for Him, through Him, and for His glory alone. (Matthew 25:14-30) "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for You created all things, and by Your will they were created and have their being." Revelation 4:11 (Psalm 79:9, Hebrews 1:3)
God says, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23, Romans 3:9-12, Psalms 14:1-3; 53:1-3; Ecc. 7:20 That means we each have broken God's Laws and nothing we can do will fix us up good enough to be accepted by God except for receiving what God has provided to “fix us up”.
God says, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account. But they will have to give account to Him Who is ready to judge the living and the dead. So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Hebrews 4:13, 1 Peter 4:5, Romans 14:12.
But for the person who has surrendered their life and control to the Living Lord Jesus Christ by faith and His Atonement, the Bible says, "I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of His Name." 1 John 2:12
God explains it another way,
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;
For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, (eternally live!)
For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, For since death came through a man (Adam), the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man (Jesus).
I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. … The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15 Romans 6:23, Romans 8:2, Romans 8:6, Romans 8:13, 1 Peter 3:18, 1 Corinthians 15:21, 50-58.
God says clearly that we must come to Him just as we are. The Lord God Almighty wants us just as He knows we are, angry, hurt, feeling abandoned, weak, frail, faulty, sinful, incapable, proud, stubborn, and more. Come to Me , My Room, a Friendship with God.
What does God require? A whole list of good deeds? NO. A lot of great recommendations from other people? NO. A tired and worn out body from all the good work? NO. Just this>> He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8
We hope this has been of some help, encouragement, and comfort to you. Take God’s Word literally for yourself, apply it to the details of your thoughts, emotions, and actions so you will be blessed in your heart and life.
We are very sorry for your loss, but we look forward to your gain in Jesus Christ, so that your joy will be full!! John 17:13 The LORD is close to the Broken Hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18,19. The Lord says, "I have loved you with an Everlasting Love." Jeremiah 31:3 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:26-27 “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.” Ephesians 5:18 “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My Name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” John 14:26-27
We have been and are praying for you. "The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace." Num 6:24-26
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